Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this! I’m a politician!” “In that case”, replied the robber, “give me my money!”
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Work
Politician’s Money
Underpaid
The employee stormed angrily into the pay office. “What’s the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and it’s a pound short!” The cashier examined the envelope, then checked his records. “Last week we paid you a pound more. You didn’t complain then, did you?” “Look”, said the employee, “An occasional mistake I...
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Politician at the Gates
A politician dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the pearly gates, Saint Peter takes one look at him and says, “Sorry, no politicians allowed in heaven.” The MP pleads that he’s a good bloke who’s done lots of good work. “Oh yeah? Like what, for example?” asks Saint Peter. The MP...
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Top 20 Programmer Excuses
When the code goes wrong: 20. “That’s weird…” 19. “It’s never done that before.” 18. “It worked yesterday.” 17. “How is that possible?” 16. “It must be a hardware problem.” 15. “What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?” 14. “There is something funky in your data.” 13. “I haven’t touched...
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Drive Safely
It was late at night and the police were out checking for erratic driving. They spotted a car travelling along the dual carriageway and decided to follow it. The car never exceeded the speed limit, gave all the correct signals as it left the main road and when they reached the town it pulled...
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The Lone Ranger’s Horse
The Lone Ranger and Tonto have just spent a month riding through the desert before landing up at Prickly Gulch Creek where they go into the saloon for a much needed drink. They’ve only been in there a few minutes when a man runs in asking if anyone owns a big white horse. “That’s...
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Alphabet Test
Little Jimmy is sitting in class one day, when the teacher says: “I’m going to give you a letter of the alphabet and you have to give me a word that starts with that letter and use it in a sentence. Let’s start with A.” Little Jimmy raises his hand and shouts, “Me, miss!...
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Problem Gambling
During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed… … “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.” “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Ralph....
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Late Working
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this...
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The Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young applicant fresh out of Oxbridge, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The applicant replies, “In the region of £125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer enquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of...
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