Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Marilyn. “What shall we do?”...
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Religion
Nuns v Dracula
Norse Gods Orgy
In ancient times the great Norse gods were engaged in a protracted orgy. It had gone on for several days. Finally, all were completely sated. The first to rouse from his slumber was the great Norse god Thor. He stood, reached down, picked up his wrap and placed it around his waist. He looked...
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Ugga Bugga
Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, “You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga.” The first guy says, “Well, I guess ugga bugga.” The chief shouts “UGGA BUGGA!” and 30 members of the tribe attack and...
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Vow of Silence
A chap joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back...
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Two Nuns
Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says “I’ve never come this way before” The second one replies “Must be the cobbles”
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Last Two Gifts
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. “It’s...
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Sip Don’t Gulp
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous,...
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Busy in Heaven
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your...
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Emergency Brake
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy. Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon...
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Godly Fishing
One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night. The motorist accepted. That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to...
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