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Holidays

New Years Lecture

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New Years Lecture

On New Year’s Eve, Steve was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I’m on my...
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New Years Resolution

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Peter, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette. ‘I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ Ken responds. ‘I’m in the process of quitting,’ replies Peter with a grin. ‘Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.’ ‘Phase one?’ wonders Ken....
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Cockney Thinking

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A Cockney Geezer decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Cockney Barmaid) takes his order, Lager, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill’s shift he asks her if she wants...
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Spanish Dining

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A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the speciality of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. “These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.” The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and...
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Gazza and Shazza….

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Gazza and Deano were talking one afternoon when Gazza tells Deano, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a holiday, innit. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Margate. I...
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