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Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. “That’s impossible says the doctor. You’re all nuts. You’ll get lost and never come back.” But, the lunatics wouldn’t relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says “OK! If you can answer a simple question I’ll sign the...
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Before the examination, a patient asked the doctor if they ever laughed at their patients’ problems. The doctor replied ‘Of course I won’t laugh, I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient. ‘Okay then,’ the patient said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest willy the doctor...
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First,...
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A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me...
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A man is having terrible headaches. He can’t sleep, eat, think, or do much of anything because of the pain. Several doctors examined him and couldn’t determine the cause of his problem. He finally went to one of the top neurological specialists in the country who examines him and says, “I’ve found the cause...
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At the hospital, there was a man lying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man. “Doctor,” the man said, “will I be OK?” The doctor turned to him and said, “Well there is good and bad news.” “Tell me the bad news,” said the man. “Well,” said...
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Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line...
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A man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle-way and went to talk with the administrators. The old man started to tilt slowly toward the left. A Doctor came by and said, ‘Let me help you.’ The...
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Attending a convention, 3 psychiatrists take a walk. “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we’re all professionals, why don’t we hear each other out right-now?” They agree that this is a good idea. The first...
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An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. “Well”, said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain.” “That’s OK”, said the Englishman. “I have...
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