Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well,...
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Children
Breakfast Choices
Dumb Boy?
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a five pound note in one hand and two 50p coins in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which...
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A Dictionary for Parents
DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
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Little Johnny Gets Into Heaven
Little Johnny was always getting into trouble and his exasperated mother finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’ Little Johnny thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Johnny, come in...
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It All Adds Up for Little Johnny
Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….’ His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’ Little Johnny answered, ‘I’m doing my maths homework, Mum.’ ‘And...
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Little Johnny – He’s Back
Little Johnny is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…..’Da-ad….’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’ ‘No, You had your chance. Lights out.’ Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaad…..’ ‘WHAT?’ ‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’ ‘ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have...
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