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Animal

Rottie Sends a Telegram

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Rottie Sends a Telegram

An Rottweiler went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the Rottie: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” “But,” the Rottie replied, “that would...
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The Parrot and the Magician

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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. However, there was one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in...
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Two Horses

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A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the...
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The Scottish Builder

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The Scottish Builder

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey. “Ye see that fence over there?” he says to the bartender. “Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do...
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Chihuahua Goes to Africa

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Chihuahua Goes to Africa

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Chihuahua along for company. One day, the Chihuahua starts chasing butterflies and before long the Chihuahua discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of...
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Cross Eyed Rottweiler

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”...
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Stuffed Chicken

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An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the...
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